Blue Eyes

Blue Eyes

When I first saw him jogging, I figured he would jog right past me.  But then he stopped and smiled. I smiled back politely then he told me his name and asked me for mine.  It was a simple exchange, one that I thought wouldn't amount to anything.  I figured that whatever had possessed Mr. Blue Eyes to stop and tell me his name would pass and he would continue on his way.  But instead of jogging off he continued to walk beside me. At first the conversation started off as many conversations between strangers do: "Weird weather we're having hu? Hot and sunny one day, cold and cloudy the next." He offered after a long moment of awkward silence.
I nodded and kept my eyes focused on the side walk in front of me, "Yeah…I'm glad it's cooler today, though. Yesterday was way too hot." I couldn't believe I was continuing the conversation about weather.
He laughed a little, "Yeah!  I know, right?!"
The enthusiasm in his voice was refreshing and there was nothing sarcastic about his words at all. I finally looked at him…and he was absolutely gorgeous.  I believe later on I would describe him as an angel. He had dark hair cut in messy layers, I couldn't tell you if his hair color was dark brown or black…I still can't. His eyes were light blue and earnest and his skin was slightly tanned from the sun.  He smiled down at me, his expression told me that he was studying me as well. Why was this guy talking to me again…?
I looked away before he had a chance to find my flaws…I had so many.
From out of the corner of my eye I could see his smile fade after I looked away.  He was silent for another long moment before perking up a bit, "So…uh…do ya walk this path often?"
"Every day." I answered.
"Oh!  Cool!  I don't usually take this path, but I'm glad I did today!  If I hadn't I wouldn't have gotten to meet you."
I smiled a little…how long had it been since I smiled? "I guess you wouldn't have…"
He chuckled softly, "You're not very talkative, are you?"
"Not really."
He then stepped in front of me so he was now walking backwards.  He leaned over to look into my face, "But your eyes have got a story behind them.  Ya know, I really like stories and if you've got one to tell, I'll listen."
I stopped walking and so did he. Did he do this to everyone he passed by while jogging? "No offense but I don't know you all that well…"
"Hm…" He said thoughtfully as his blue eyes rolled up towards the sky, "Well…I guess you'll just have to get to know me better so I can hear that story." He nodded once (what I guessed was confirmation more for himself than for me).
I suppose I looked a little surprised by this because then he asked, "What? You look like I was just speaking a foreign language or something." Now he looked a bit embarrassed as he scratched the back of his head.
I shook my head, "It's nothing." It wasn't nothing. He wanted to know about me and he had seen something that I was trying like hell to keep hidden.  I had to keep it hidden…I had to…
For the rest of my walk he was right beside me, talking a million miles a minute and acting like we had known each other forever.  Needless to say he annoyed me a little, but that wasn't exactly a difficult feat considering how stubborn I can be when meeting new people.
If he noticed that I was annoyed, he didn't let on, he just kept up his jovial conversation with himself (since I wasn't really contributing to the conversation) until we reached the end of the green belt which led into my neighborhood. I cleared my throat, "Well…This is my stop…" I didn't want him to know where I lived, I mean I still didn't know this guy from a hill of beans.  For all I knew he could have been a serial killer.
He took the hint and smiled at me, "Right! I hope we run into each other again!" With that he grabbed my hand and gave it a firm shake before jogging off in the direction we had just come from.
I made sure I couldn't see him anymore before heading back to my house.

The next day, I went for my walk as I usually did and not long after I started down my usual path I saw him jogging toward me.  It was hot that day so naturally he had his shirt off and it looked like he had worked up quite a sweat.  He smiled brightly when he saw me and waved, "Hey there!" He stopped in front of me trying to catch his breath. He leaned over and put his hands on his knees, "What luck! I half expected you to change up your routine!"
I laughed a little, "You don't scare me THAT much."
His eyes widened as he stood up once more, "I scared you?! I-I didn't mean to!"
I rolled my eyes and smiled a little, this guys was a ditz but I was sort of glad for it.  It made him a little less threatening…though…he wasn't very threatening to begin with, I guess I'm just a paranoid person.
I let him walk beside me and talk my ear off again.  Though this time I actually listened to what he told me.  He said that he was studying Horticulture at the local UC.  He was on a tennis team and he went to the beach whenever he could to surf.  And he was single. He seemed to stress this point often though I had never asked.  I told him that I was in a relationship. This didn't seem to bother him, in fact he actually smiled and asked me to elaborate.  So I told him about the person I was currently seeing and how we'd been together for about four years. Again, this didn't seem to phase him at all. He continued to smile and talk about how he'd never been in a relationship, "N-not that I can't commit or anything! I just haven't found someone I want to take the plunge with, ya know?" I could feel his eyes on me though I wasn't looking at him.
"So you're picky." I offered lightly.
He chuckled, "Yeah…I guess that's the problem.  You probably think I'm horrible now, don't you?"
I shook my head, "It's too early to make that sort of judgment call."
He breathed what I can only assume was a sigh of relief. Then we shared our first comfortable silence.  It was nice and non intrusive. Pleasant all around.  He was the first to break the silence which didn't really surprise me. "So, will you tell me that story now?"
I frowned, feeling those old emotions I had been trying to suppress resurface, "There is no story." I said a tad bitterly.
He tilted his head, "Sure there is. Maybe you'd feel better if-"
"I wouldn't." I furrowed my brow and stared straight ahead, shutting him out once more.

He was waiting for me in the green belt.  He smiled sweetly when he saw me…that smile…if I wasn't careful that smile would weaken me. "Hey!" He greeted and tossed me a water bottle, "I noticed you never bring one."
I caught the water bottle, "Thanks…"
"No problem!" He grinned and nicked his head towards the path, "Shall we?"
I nodded following after him.  I didn't understand it…I had been so cold to him the day before yet here he was, talking and smiling and laughing like I'd never snapped at him.  This guy couldn't be for real…people like him couldn't really exist, could they? So forgiving…not to mention so persistent. And kind…
I swallowed the lump in my throat that had developed while those thoughts plagued my mind.  I glanced down at the water bottle in my hands as my mind continuing to reel.
"-really pretty…"
I looked to him, finally coming back to reality.  He'd been talking all this time? "Hu?"
He quickly looked away from me, "The flowers…they're uh…really pretty, aren't they?"
He was talking about flowers? Well he was a Horticulture Major so I guess that wasn't too weird. "I guess…" I'd never really been into gardening.
"Do you have a favorite flower?"
I shrugged, keeping my protective wall up.
Instead of taking the hint and letting the flower thing drop he started pointing out different flowers and asking if I liked them to which I'd just shrug or say, "They're alright".
But still he didn't give up.  It seemed the only way I would get him to shut up is to choose one, "I like that one." I said pointing to a large yellow flower.
He smiled, "That's a hibiscus."
I knew that, I mean I wasn't completely stupid when I came to flowers.  When I didn't look very impressed he continued, "Do you know what the meaning of the hibiscus flower is?"
"No, but I bet you're going to tell me."
He smiled, "'Delicate Beauty'." Once we had past the hibiscus bush he continued, "It was given that meaning because of the delicate conditions under which it blooms."
"Hu…" I would have to look that up when I got home to make sure  he wasn't making it up.
He continued to talk, keeping his blue eyes solely on me which led him to trip over a fire hydrant and almost run into a mail box. All of these things he would just laugh off.  After another close call with a mail box I traded spots with him so his dumb ass couldn't run into anything else.
He continued to run his mouth until we reached the end of the path. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?" His eyes were so sincere like he was really hoping I'd say yes. Well, since I really had nothing better to do I nodded, "Yeah."
"Great!  I'll be waiting for you here."
I sighed and began walking towards my home, "I know."

Just like he had promised, he was waiting for me at the beginning of the green belt. He smiled and tossed me a bottle of water, "I guessed you wouldn't bring one."
I caught it and raised a brow, "Lucky guess."
He laughed and off we went down our usual path.  That day I had brought my psp to listen to music on figuring he was going to talk about flowers again.  Instead of looking insulted like most normal people would when you brought music to shut out the world on a group walk, his eyes lit up with excitement.  He took the ear bud I wasn't using and stuck it up to his own ear. "I like this song!" He exclaimed before beginning to sing loudly, not to mention TERRIBLY. At first I was worried some one would here him and tell him to shut up, but he looked so happy only a heartless person would ruin his fun. So there was no way I was going to stop him.
This was different…he was terrible at singing.  Not to say I was that good but I was definitely better than him.  The person I was seeing at the time…they sung beautifully.  I'd always felt inferior and frankly embarrassed to sing in front of him.  My boyfriend didn't exactly tell me I sucked, he'd just laugh and tell me my singing was "horribly cute".  I think he was trying to make it sound like a compliment but the condescending tone in his voice ruined whatever sweetness he was trying to convey.  My boyfriend was so good at everything and I…well…I wasn't really good at much and he wasn't exactly shy about telling me what I wasn't good at.
So I listened to Mr. Blue-Eyes and I smiled, not because I thought I was better than him but because I wished I could be like him and sing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, wherever I wanted.  He was fearless in that way.  And I…I was a coward.  For many reasons.  I was afraid of letting go. I was afraid of letting people see who I really was (my reception in the past hadn't gone so well). I was afraid of slipping back into the dark hole I had just managed to climb out of.
And here he was, fearless and confident, despite being absolutely terrible.  He embraced his flaws and effortlessly presented them to others in a way that you couldn't help but admire him for.
I wished I could be like him…brave, like him.
The song ended and he stopped singing, "Sorry…" He said before handing me back my ear bud, "I really liked that song, I couldn't resist."
I smiled, "That's alright."
Then he began to talk about the sort of music he usually listened to. Classic Rock. He did like some more recent music but his first loves were the Classics.  
He named off bands, some I'd heard of others I hadn't.  I told him about my tastes in music, opening up a bit more and he'd smile and nod, listening intently when I spoke, like he actually cared. I had spoken so little about myself that he was probably trying to grasp at anything that he could.  The thought sounded presumptuous even then but the earnestness in his eyes was proving me right…
He stopped beside the hibiscus bush we had passed the day before and plucked a perfect bloom from the leaves. He then turned and offered it to me with a subdued smile.  Just as I was about to reach out and take it, we heard a door open and an angry old woman yell, "Hey!  Don't pick my flowers! That's just as bad as stealing!"
His eyes widen before he laughed nervously and awkwardly handed the flower to the old woman.  The lady then shooed us away and told Blue Eyes that if she ever caught him picking her flowers again she was going to call the police.
After we were a fair distance away I began to laugh, he looked a little surprised to hear it but then he too joined me in laughing. "She looked pretty angry." He said after we'd both calmed down a bit.
I grinned, "Hibiscus must be her favorite too."
He chuckled, "Must be."
We continued our walk until we arrived back at my house.  I'd taken him all the way there this time. I said a quiet good bye and turned to enter the house.
"Wait…" For the first time since I'd known him he didn't sound confident.
I turned to face him, "Yeah?"
"Will you ever tell me…?"
I blinked, "Tell you what?"
"Will you ever tell me why you always look so sad and lonely?"
I stared at him, a bit taken aback by his question. I hadn't realized that everyone could see what I thought I was hiding so well…or…maybe it was just him…
"I…" I didn't know what to say, "I don't know what you're talking about."
He frowned, "Can't we be friends? Can't you let me in a little?"
Friends…
I was worried about letting him be my friend.  What if he saw something he didn't like and left?
"Please…?" There was that sincerity.
Maybe… "I'll see you tomorrow."
He smiled a little, seeing through my cold words, "Yeah. See you tomorrow."

Maybe it will be slow, maybe it'll take a thousand more walks, maybe…but I think I'll let him in like he wants me to. I think I'll let him see me and I think I won't be afraid this time. Maybe I'll never let go…and maybe Mr. Blue Eyes and I will never be anything more than friends.  But there is one thing I know for certain.  
I'm going to take after his example and sing at the top of my lungs, despite how much better someone else may be, I'm going to sing and not be afraid. I won't be afraid anymore.
Thank you, my friend.